Just Melt

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I am sitting in Sukasana. Kaiut Sukasana. My right shin bone is lined up with the top of my mat and my left foot is placed under my right knee. I feel "sensations" but it is not pain. My right hip slowly opens… my left knee is talking to me. My upper body is folded forward with my arms extended on my mat in front of me. The top of my head rests on the floor. The pose is similar to a drooping flower. For me, this is kind of a miracle.  

Over three years ago, after just waking up from anesthesia, my surgeon told me that my hip was one of the worst hips he had ever done surgery on. Reputable hospital. Great surgeon. Not words of encouragement...

Leading up to my labral hip tear, I had had countless years of physical therapy, chiropractic care, massage, Rolfing, acupuncture, steroid shots, cortisone and more. No one could explain what was wrong with my back except that my sacrum was collapsed to the right and I had a herniation in my neck.

Last September, in class, Francisco has said that unless a person was in an obvious accident (e.g. a car accident), back issues usually stem from the hip girdle. If only I had met Francisco almost three decades earlier!.

Post-surgery was hard...four months into recovery I went for a check up and found out I was not healing. I already knew that. Many months had passed and still my recuperation was impossibly slow. Finally, I was told I needed a hip replacement but because of my hip dysplasia, the replacement metal hip would keep slipping out of it's metal socket. So this wasn't an option. Physical therapy forever...also not an option.

Dealing with extreme pain is exhausting. And depressing. Especially when there seems to be no answers on how to manage it besides PT and drugs. I have been in the fitness business for over 20 years and I specialize in working with people coming out of physical therapy (post rehabilitation). I have a pretty good understanding of the body. Yet here I was, struggling to get through the day while helping others recover from their own injuries. (Francisco asked me what I did for a living. After I replied he said, "you just got to laugh otherwise..."). Yes, irony at its finest.

Then one day last winter, my sister called from Toronto. She had a friend, Alina, who had discovered a type of yoga called Kaiut. It was helpful for people with biomechanical issues as well as injuries. So I called Heidi. I told her about my hip and my fibromyalgia. She said Francisco could help. I went to Toronto and took her class. Then I signed up for the September teacher's training.

The first day I almost dropped out because my body was in so much pain and I was afraid of getting hurt. But I didn't. And I didn't. As the days passed, I started to get it. Although Sukasana was something that my hips (especially my right one) just could not do, and my body was still in pain, I was no longer fearful. I trusted what Francisco was saying and doing. I felt he really cared and that he completely believed in what he was teaching AND he used gravity as a beneficial thing! (I wish my face felt the same way...).v

I went home and practiced my Kaiut alphabet. I took some time off as per my doctor's recommendation to just stop and rest. So I went to Toronto to stay with family and heal.

In February, I unexpectedly got the opportunity to attend the Kauit retreat in Brazil. There I was infused with so much healing energy the universe couldn't have set it up more perfectly. I stopped taking my pain meds and started to listen to my body. My repeated mantra of "just melt" was working. So was the Kaiut.

Today I can sit in Sukasana. My knees slowly drop towards the floor. My hips start to open. I can bend forward and allow my body to "feel" without interpreting it as danger. The memories of pain and trauma stored in my body are starting to melt away.  I realize that it is a process, a practice. Mentally I can't completely understand it but I know the intelligence of my body does. I am healing. I finally found the answer. And it lies deeply within the layers and layers of Kaiut.


Angela Varcasia

Total Body Guidance

Medical Exercise Specialist and Yoga Teacher in Westchester and NYC